In one of the most uncomfortable conversations of my life, a friend of mine named Paul told me that he’d rather fuck his “Fleshlight” than a real, wet, warm, sweet, succulent vagina attached to a real woman. I realize that it’s unfortunate that pussies come attached to women, but I’d accepted it as a necessary evil in life. I figured that Paul’s confession must’ve come from the effects of his 4th Jager shot combined with his 4th or 5th Johnny Blue on the rocks and that he must be nuts. Since I had absolutely no idea what a fleshlight was and was absolutely intrigued by anything, that any man, even in his absurdly inebriated state would prefer over a real woman…I just had to know more.

After a little time at Fleshlight.com, I had to order one and see whether “pocket pussies”, “pinch hitters” or in their vernacular, male sex toys had really come this far. Two days later the UPS guy rang my doorbell with a smile and a discrete brown package from “Interactive Life Forms”. He probably thought it was some cool AI thing as he usually delivers nothing to my door except gadgets, computer stuff, toys, guns, etc. If only he’d known how fast I was going to tear that package open, lube it up and stick my dick in it. (How many times do you get to type that in your life?)

About twenty sweaty minutes later, I lay back on my perfectly clean bed (no muss, no fuss) and in complete agreement with my friend Paul, swore off women forever. Now I can save my money, play more, travel more, even work more and fuck without cuddling, chick flicks and those embarassing “sorry about the VD” or “another trip to the abortion clinic” headaches.

Ok, ok…so I can’t really swear women off completely. There are exceptions to the altogether too realistic rule, but this thing really will save me a lot of unsatisfied nights and some carpal tunnel. Check it out -

The outside, when it’s closed, looks like an industrial flashlight (hence “Fleshlight”). Cute eh? It’s heavy duty plastic and the end screws on tight so that you could leave this on your kitchen counter or bedside and nobody would ever ask what it is.
When you order, you start with the options of what you want it to look like.

Then you decide which one of the options you want for what’s on the inside (what you feel)

They even have a fleshlight for guys who are worried about shooting too soon and want to build up some stamina with “practice”. You gotta see “Legends Gym”

I went with the basic “Lady” with the “Wonder Wave” insides and gents, I gotta tell you…wow. This thing not only is a hell of a lot of fun to play with, the last few times I was up to bat with the real thing, I’ve been doing a lot more playing with her than her with me.

Get yourself a fleshlight and enjoy it. But remember, no matter how drunk you get, don’t tell your buddies about it. It’s a good thing Paul doesn’t know about this blog of mine, otherwise everybody would be call me “pocket pussy” too.