So, that naughty little rich girl, Paris was apparently getting her lesbian kicks while she was in jail. This site opened today with an EXCLUSIVE, 22 minute video of Paris having sex in jail with another inmate.

Could it be that the “stupid, spoiled whore” (as South Park dubbed her) really got her kicks while in holding?

Doesn’t look sexy to me?

I heard that Paris was alone in her cell, with no contact with other inmates. But this is a picture of the cell Paris was supposedly in.

I don’t know about you, but the first tape was kinda hot when she was alone and other than that, pretty disappointing. I don’t like dicks in my porn. This girl on girl stuff with Paris in a jail cell? Oh ya baby…I’m all over that.

See y’all in about a half hour.

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In one of the most uncomfortable conversations of my life, a friend of mine named Paul told me that he’d rather fuck his “Fleshlight” than a real, wet, warm, sweet, succulent vagina attached to a real woman. I realize that it’s unfortunate that pussies come attached to women, but I’d accepted it as a necessary evil in life. I figured that Paul’s confession must’ve come from the effects of his 4th Jager shot combined with his 4th or 5th Johnny Blue on the rocks and that he must be nuts. Since I had absolutely no idea what a fleshlight was and was absolutely intrigued by anything, that any man, even in his absurdly inebriated state would prefer over a real woman…I just had to know more.

After a little time at Fleshlight.com, I had to order one and see whether “pocket pussies”, “pinch hitters” or in their vernacular, male sex toys had really come this far. Two days later the UPS guy rang my doorbell with a smile and a discrete brown package from “Interactive Life Forms”. He probably thought it was some cool AI thing as he usually delivers nothing to my door except gadgets, computer stuff, toys, guns, etc. If only he’d known how fast I was going to tear that package open, lube it up and stick my dick in it. (How many times do you get to type that in your life?)

About twenty sweaty minutes later, I lay back on my perfectly clean bed (no muss, no fuss) and in complete agreement with my friend Paul, swore off women forever. Now I can save my money, play more, travel more, even work more and fuck without cuddling, chick flicks and those embarassing “sorry about the VD” or “another trip to the abortion clinic” headaches.

Ok, ok…so I can’t really swear women off completely. There are exceptions to the altogether too realistic rule, but this thing really will save me a lot of unsatisfied nights and some carpal tunnel. Check it out -

The outside, when it’s closed, looks like an industrial flashlight (hence “Fleshlight”). Cute eh? It’s heavy duty plastic and the end screws on tight so that you could leave this on your kitchen counter or bedside and nobody would ever ask what it is.
When you order, you start with the options of what you want it to look like.

Then you decide which one of the options you want for what’s on the inside (what you feel)

They even have a fleshlight for guys who are worried about shooting too soon and want to build up some stamina with “practice”. You gotta see “Legends Gym”

I went with the basic “Lady” with the “Wonder Wave” insides and gents, I gotta tell you…wow. This thing not only is a hell of a lot of fun to play with, the last few times I was up to bat with the real thing, I’ve been doing a lot more playing with her than her with me.

Get yourself a fleshlight and enjoy it. But remember, no matter how drunk you get, don’t tell your buddies about it. It’s a good thing Paul doesn’t know about this blog of mine, otherwise everybody would be call me “pocket pussy” too.

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I seem to be doing a lot on porn these days and for that, I’m both sorry to the non-interested folks and proud for those that are interested. It’s time for Americans to wake up to the reality that your government is successfully cramming Christianity down your throat and up…well, a very un-comfortable place. (No, not the back of a volkswagon). This is being accomplished by an administration that solely exists because of hard line backing from Christian organizations and churches in the US claiming that Bush was “God’s candidate”.

Bush’s deal with these religious zealots from day one and was only re-enforced and strengthened when he was re-elected by them was to put as many hard line fundamentalists as possible into various powerful positions throughout the government. Remember that people tend to hire people that they know and identify with. It’s a rare day when a Republican hires a Democrat, a hard line Christian hires someone who’s anything but or when someone who defines themselves by their religious affiliation does anything personal or business oriented that doesn’t fit neatly into that small and inflexible box. Like Kevin Smith so beautifully pointed out in “Dogma”, “I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can’t generate. Life becomes stagnant.”

These people have inflexible beliefs and are un-interested in exploring anyone else’s concepts, ideas or compromises. “God’s Plan”, which is so conveniently laid out for them by their church leaders is all they’re concerned about and what they live to impress upon others…that means you. The saddest thing to me is that these people believe they’re the least bit different from the reglious fundamentlists, the zealots, the hardliners in the Muslim world that they’ve positioned themselves to fight against and spend their time propagandizing against. Christians may not yet be strapping dynamite to their chests, but as abortion clinic bombings and shootings show, they’re of the same mind. Think about what it means that within 24 hours of the invasions of both Afghanistan and Iraq, the only religious organization allowed to be in those areas and for a full year afterwards, the only religious organization allowed to be distributing food, medical supplies and over 19,000,000 bibles was the same “family and values” Christian organization that put Bush in office. The other 71 organizations that tried to help in those countries were told that it was too dangerous and that the US military didn’t have the resources to protect them.

Now enjoy a few quick points from AVN on what these people are doing in their new positions, instead of focusing on anything that actually matters.

DOJ Caught In The Middle On Porn – And Choosing Wrongly
By: Mark Kernes

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Religious news/propaganda site OneNewsNow – the former AgapePress News Summary – reports that, “A group of prominent anti-pornography leaders met recently with officials in the U.S. Justice Department to urge a change in the government’s policy toward investigation and prosecution of Internet obscenity, which currently is to pursue only the most extreme cases.” And that one sentence provides a strong clue as to what’s putting the Justice Department (DOJ) between, if you’ll pardon the expression, a rock and a hard place.

See, according to Patrick Trueman, the former head of the Justice Department’s Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section (CEOS), former Attorney General Janet Reno put in place a policy that the DOJ would prosecute “only the worst material,” but in Trueman’s opinion, that policy is “both dated and ineffective for the brand of pornography that threatens families and their children.”

And what “brand” is that?

“Parents that find their kids have been on the Internet looking at pornography don’t see them looking at animal films and that really extreme stuff, which is all the Justice Department will prosecute,” Trueman said. “They’re looking at garden-variety hardcore pornography that is illegal.”

Of course, it’s refreshing to have a rabid anti-porn activist like Trueman admit that the majority of minors who manage to see people having sex aren’t interested in looking at bestiality or erotic asphyxiation or even triple penetrations – kids have taste; who’d'a thunk? – but rather “garden variety” porn which, contrary to Trueman’s assertion, is perfectly legal. (In fact, all porn involving only consenting adults is legal until a jury says it isn’t – a reality Trueman should certainly be aware of, considering his years as a porn prosecutor.)

And therein lies the conflict.

As any U.S. attorney (USA) worth his/her salary knows, even in the most backwoodsy parts of America, it’s virtually impossible to get a conviction on a storyline adult feature, even one that features fairly edgy sexual encounters. That virtual impossibility approaches 100% if the video is being defended by one of the several excellent First Amendment attorneys who work with the adult industry. Hence, whether that storyline feature is purchased in a video store, mail-ordered in as part of a sting operation or watched in clips on a website, the outcome will be the same: Another loss at trial for the government, another black mark on the prosecuting attorney’s record, and more angry articles on religio-conservative websites about how Attorney General Alberto Gonzales isn’t doing enough to combat the “scourge of pornography.”

Gonzales, of course, is having enough problems of his own these days. A recent Newsweek article by Michael Isikoff stated that a recent prep session of the A.G. by his closest advisors for a prospective appearance on a Sunday talk-show – we’re guessing Fox News Sunday, which would have treated Gonzales with the softest of kid gloves – went so poorly that the aides gave up on the idea of his doing any live appearances before the one that counts: His testimony under oath before the Senate Judiciary Committee on April 17… and even the prep for that one isn’t going very well:

“During the March 23 session in the A.G.’s conference room,” reported Isikoff, “Gonzales was grilled by a team of top aides and advisers — including former Republican National Committee chair Ed Gillespie and former White House lawyer Tim Flanigan — about what he knew about the plan to fire seven U.S. attorneys last fall. But Gonzales kept contradicting himself and ‘getting his timeline confused,’ said one participant who asked not to be identified talking about a private meeting. His advisers finally got ‘exasperated’ with him, the source added. ‘He’s not ready,’ Tasia Scolinos, Gonzales’s public-affairs chief, told the A.G.’s top aides after the session was over, said the source.”

One of the explanations Gonzales will have trouble with is his decision (or at least agreement) to fire two top USAs – Paul Charlton of Arizona and Daniel Bogden of Nevada – over not having prosecuted enough porn. While various substitute reasons have been given during the past few weeks for Charlton’s and Bogden’s firings, two U.S. senators have recently indicated, on the very Sunday talk shows on which Gonzales’ handlers won’t let him appear, that, yes, failing to indict enough porn was the reason.

“Now let me just tell you something: There is not one shred of evidence here that any of these [replacements] were made, to use Sen. Specter’s words, to interfere with an ongoing investigation or case; not one shred of evidence,” said Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-LatterDaySaints) on last Sunday’s episode of Meet the Press. “This is a tempest in a teapot, and the president – everybody admits that the president – these people served at the pleasure of the president. What happened here is, the president’s goals and purposes were to go after immigration smuggling cases, gun cases, so to get tough on the misuse of guns, on pornography cases, and some of these people were not doing that. Now, where they got in problems is they said there were performance problems. What they meant, it seemed to me, by the so-called word ‘performance,’ was that these people were not following up on these cases.”

Similarly, when Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) charged, on March 25’s Fox News Sunday, that six of the eight fired USAs were removed because they were “involved in public corruption cases, most of those cases against Republicans; they were removed while the investigation or the prosecution was ongoing,” Sen. Trent Lott (R-BigMansionOnThePlantation) interrupted her to say, “I don’t see where there’s a large number of them involved in corruption cases. I think they were involved – where they were taking action on death penalty cases, immigration cases or obscenity cases.”

It’s unclear from what source Lott got his information, but Hatch is in the best position to know: He’s a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, and has consistently defended Gonzales during the committee’s questioning of four fired USAs and Gonzales’ former chief of staff Kyle Sampson.

But as we’ve pointed out here before, the adult industry should probably be more concerned about the USA “loyal Bushies” that the DOJ didn’t fire … like top federal prosecutor Mary Beth Buchanan, who’s recently come under fire from Thomas J. Farrell, who served as an assistant U.S. attorney for the Western District of Pennsylvania during the last five years of the Clinton administration, and is currently on the board of the Pittsburgh ACLU.

According to Farrell, Ms. B made her nut with the Bush administration by – in addition to the Extreme Associates and Karen Fletcher indictments – bringing “anti-terrorism” prosecutions against dozens of immigrant Iraqi truck drivers who, it turned out, had paid off a DMV official in order to get commercial driver’s licenses. Were they planning to load those trucks full of explodable fertilizer and ram them into the Mellon Bank building in downtown Pittsburgh? Nope; they were just looking for a regular paycheck; no “terrorist connections” were introduced at trial, and they all got probation.

Buchanan has also, said Farrell, been an ardent supporter of the administration’s attempts to deep-six citizens’ civil rights, claiming that the PATRIOT Act was needed in order to get emergency wiretaps to prevent imminent terrorist attacks (not true), and that the feds needed the Act in order to share grand jury information about imminent threats with state police (also not true). Plus, she’s investigated seven times more Pennsylvania Democratic politicians than Republicans, which puts her right in line with the staunchest Bush supporters among the remaining USAs.

Quoth Farrell: “Democrats do occupy most public offices in Allegheny County, but are the Republican officials in the 24 other counties of the Western Pennsylvania District all squeaky clean?”

A poster on TPMMuckraker.com has noted other examples of apparent Republican favoritism and Democrat legal bashing by U.S. attorneys over the past six years of Bush’s presidency, including the investigation of Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ) just before the 2006 mid-term election; the removal of the USA of Guam in 2002 after he started an investigation of Pacific Rim sweatshop supporter (and GOP pal) Jack Abramoff; and the failure of the Denver USA to prosecute GOP bouncers masquerading as Secret Service agents who threw three legitimate ticket-holders out of a Bush rally because of the anti-war bumper sticker on their car.

And then there’s the case of Wisconsin USA Steve Biskupic, who just got his ass handed to him by a Seventh Circuit Appeals Court panel when they not only overturned one of Biskupic’s convictions but, describing his evidence at trial as being “beyond thin,” ordered the immediate release of the defendant.

What makes that case noteworthy here, however, is that the defendant was former state purchasing supervisor Georgia L. Thompson, who’d been accused, just before the 2006 election, of directing a state travel contract to a firm linked to (Democratic) Gov. Jim Doyle’s re-election campaign. Awfully convenient for then-Republican gubernatorial candidate Mark Green, who at that time was polling not too far behind Doyle. There’s no smoking gun saying that the Thompson prosecution was directed from “on high,” but considering the Seventh Circuit’s finding of an utter lack of evidence for the indictment, one has to wonder … and according to now-fired USA Bud Cummins of Arkansas, such wondering is a Bad Thing.

Quoth Cummins: “[T]he public must perceive that every substantive decision within the department is made in a neutral and non-partisan fashion. Once the public detects partisanship in one important decision, they will follow the natural inclination to question every decision made, whether there is a connection or not.”

And finally, there’s Charlie Savage’s article in Sunday’s Boston Globe, apparently inspired by loyal Bushie Monica Goodling, who didn’t even wait to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee before claiming her Fifth Amendment right not to testify. Monica’s a grad of Pat Robert’s Regent University School of Law, which can now boast 150 alumni in federal government jobs since Bush took office; several besides Goodling in the Department of Justice.

“Not long ago, it was rare for Regent graduates to join the federal government,” wrote Savage. “But in 2001, the Bush administration picked the dean of Regent’s government school, Kay Coles James, to be the director of the Office of Personnel Management – essentially the head of human resources for the executive branch. The doors of opportunity for government jobs were thrown open to Regent alumni.”

According to Savage, “‘We’ve had great placement,’ said Jay Sekulow, who heads a non profit law firm based at Regent that files lawsuits aimed at lowering barriers between church and state. ‘We’ve had a lot of people in key positions.’”

That “non-profit law firm” would be the American Center for Law and Justice (ACLJ), which Robert created and named in the hopes that some would confuse it with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).

According to US News & World Report, Regent is ranked as a “tier four” school, received the lowest possible score according to the magazine’s criteria, and was tied for 136th place of all the law schools considered.

But as we all know, for the Bush administration, “Quality is Job One.”

Oh, no; wait – that’s Ford Motor Company, which lost $12.7 billion last year – and paid its four-months-on-the-job chief executive $28 million in salary and bonuses.

Nevermind.

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Somebody should give these guys a medal. I’ve always thought that MySpace and the rest of the “social networking” sites were just excuses to waste time and make life altogether too easy for stalkers. But these guys got it right. Not only are they having a blast fucking every girl they can find on the site, now they’re also amateur pornographers. Not too shabby, eh?

With a little study and practice, I think that just about any guy could do this. Look at ‘em, they’re nothing special. But look at the treasure trove of young hotties they’re pulling? I’m really wondering about this marriage thing all of a sudden. Maybe I should just move back into a bachelor pad and spend my days and nights tracking down cooze on MySpace and convincing them to get naked for my new Sony HDR-FX1 video camera?

“Excuse me ma’am, I need to inspect this.”

“Yes, they’re quite nice. But are you lactating?”

They call themselves MySpace Hunters and they’re here to rescue your penis from being flaccid and unused. ~Cue the superhero music.~ Make sure to click “About� and read the story of these guys and how they got started. It’s hysterical how stuff like this gets going.

Excuse me for now, I’m off to troll MySpace for girls nearby, then the camera store for some good lights, followed by a quick stop at the adult store for a BIG box of rubbers and some lube. God Bless The Internet.

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The Donald is on the warpath and he has his sights set on, among other things, porn! In his most recent blog, the New York megalomaniac with bad hair (I’ve actually had the pleasure of seeing it first hand at a press conference and it looks way worse in person than on TV) points his finger at employees who use company time to surf the web, check out porn, watch videos and instant message. Are you one of these?

Trump makes a good case, mind you. He points to a survey that says half the people would rather give up their morning coffee than give up surfing at work. It’s a valid point he’s making, right? You’re getting paid to be at work. Any time spent doing anything else is, essentially, stealing from the company. It doesn’t matter that you’re now doing the same tasks you did before in half the time because of computer technology. Work faster. Work harder. Give your soul. Do this and, like Trump says, you may just get to keep your job.

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North American society works in wondrous ways. It seems we all love to keep a busy schedule. We’re busy with work. We’re busy with our social life. We’re busy with family. There seems to be very little time for any of the other important things in life, such as porn. Well, if you are feeling a little glum about not being able to watch porn at work, which would seem like an obvious time to get some quality wanking in, you should pack your bags and moved to Spain!

The Supreme Court in Spain has decided that it’s completely acceptable to watch porn at work. Okay, maybe they didn’t say it was completely acceptable, but they sure said you shouldn’t get fired for. It’s not that they think it’s a human right that needs to be protected. It’s just that there seems to be no law on the books to deal with using the Internet while at work for personal needs. A company fired an employee for composing personal e-mails while at work and watching adult material. Two previous courts had ruled in favor of the company. As is the case with life, it seems he had to go all the way in order to get any pleasure out of the ordeal. If you happen to be sitting in a cubicle in Spain and are looking for ways to take advantage of this new ruling, feel free to surf on over to one of the biggest and certainly the best porn review sites on the net: RabbitsReviews.com. They’re waiting!

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Most women like the bad boys. Sure, the evolved woman says that she wants a sensitive, caring and gentle man. However, the female of the species, just like the males, are ruled by primitive instincts. They want a dominant buck when it comes time to fuck. Maybe, that same animal desire explains why some dudes, me included, appreciate nasty chicks, as you see on Bike Babes.

I’ll never be a motorcycle-riding stud, like the site’s main star, Hunter. We all know putting a dweeb like me on a hog wouldn’t turn me into a mean, lean biker man. I’d just seem like a geek on wheels. Therefore, I to live vicariously through this dangerous-looking fellow as he goes on the prowl for pussy, picking up sluts as cruises the bad side of town on his badass Harley.

The ladies are the trashy sort. It’s all bad bleach job blondes, brunettes with tattoos and piercings, bitches in shades wearing bandanas. They’re the cheap tarts you’d expect to see in a trailer park. Nothing is sexier than is a babe pulled fresh from the tin can she’s living in, down in the hood precariously placed in the middle of some tornado alley somewhere.

If you think such reality-based smut exists only in the make-believe-world of porn, think twice. There are real harlots on Harleys of the Kiwi-variety, down in New Zealand, exuding massive amounts of sex appeal with a zeal for riding topless, no less. According to Ian Stewart, reporting on the website Stuff.co.nz (03/02/07), a parade of motorbikes with bare-breasted babes filled the streets of Christchurch.

The event promoted the opening of the Erotica Lifestyles Expo down at the Christchurch Convention Centre. Nine sets of tits circled through the inner city, accompanied by four greased up musclemen, on Harley Davidson bikes. The watching crowd’s response varied, but mostly men were attracted to the action.

Mr. Stewart found a few women responded negatively, while the males appreciated the scene. One dude named, Kliff Tappin proclaimed, “People say sex and perversion are wrong but look at it - when it’s free to the public, half the city comes out.”

Meanwhile, the judgment call made by Ms. Roberta Hannah and an anonymous gal pal lunching at an outside cafe along the route, was considerably less supportive, “Overrated, totally and utterly tacky. I can think of better things to do with my lunch hour.”

I hate to sound cynical, but poor Roberta seems to think it’s better to use her lunchtime to whine about sour grapes. I only wish that my dinnertime today was going to come with such a hot, free, live show, instead of just, its probable cold backdrop of mounds of snow.

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My mind works in mysterious ways. Okay, more often than not, there’s less mystery and more just filthy dirt clogging up the windmills of my mind. Yesterday, for example, I decided to buy an electric shaver and of course, in no time flat, I was thinking of vibrators and when that happens, I often drift to visions of chicks riding away in Sybian fantasies.

What made me think of sybian sex machines?? The mere mention of which has set that song by The Miracles off in my head, Love Machine, sex machine, tomato, potato. No worries, I’ll forego the deep philosophical discussion of why love could be synonymous with sex. After all, how many tangents should it take to explain my tangent-prone thinking?

I went to this store to buy my electric razor that has all kinds of electrical gadgets and small appliances. Needless to say, across the display case where I was eyeing a nifty futuristic shaving device, I noticed a wall with all kinds of vibrating massagers.

In the old days, before sex shops were de rigueur, I know that women used to be able to buy various wand-shaped massage devices for so-called “personal use” with the explanation that they’re phallic design allowed it to stimulate even those hard-to-reach places as the elongated form allowed it to be conveniently used from all sorts of angles.

I must admit that one of my earliest sexual experiences involved a bright orange “personal massager” that resembled an electric beater with various attachments. My favorite one somewhat resembled an egg cup and was quite frankly ideal as a “massage head” in the most literal sense.

Anyway, even though I’m a dude, I remember the orgasm that I got from vibration as stimulation was totally different from the usual kind. There’s a sort of intensity that is hard to describe. Your whole body really does seem to be humming. You sort of shake and quake all over.

Anyway, just listen to some of these girls using a Sybian and you’ll see what I mean. Believe me, it’s one time you can be sure that these horny females aren’t faking it!

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I have a friend who runs a pole dancing studio. Who would have thought? I guess there is a minor craze at the moment for women who want to learn to dance like a stripper. Now I say stripper only because I have no idea where else this talent might come in handy. I suppose if you take the subway, you could always strut your stuff if a car is half-empty. They always have poles there, although those are mostly used so you can keep yourself from falling. Still, I think there are a whole bunch of unsuspecting men whose wives toddle off during the day for pole-dancing lessons. Then, one day Mr. Smith arrives home late from work, only to find his wife dressed in her underwear and doing tricks around the bedpost. “My gawd,� he exclaims, “I’m in love with a stripper!�

Would you marry a stripper? I have dated my fair share over the years. I don’t know that I’ve ever fallen in love with one. In a lot of ways, it’s the nature of the business. Adult entertainment can be so cheesy. The mystique gets shattered pretty quickly. I have to take my hat off to some of the pole routines I have seen, but I have never caught myself thinking, ‘Damn, I hope my wife can do that.’ Now I just have stripper friends. On the odd occasion, one gets too close, and suddenly the walls have to come up. I love hot women, and dancers certainly fall into that category. I just never want to be one of those guys who says he’s fallen for a peeler. I get enough smoking hot babes emailing me for no strings attached trysts. The last thing I need is to worry is one springing at me from the top of my canopy bed in the middle of the night!

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Long legged babes have been an obsession for men since the dawn of time… or at least since they started shaving them! Thankfully, finding sexy women’s legs on the Internet has never been easier. This is great news for leg fans the world over. I finally know the spots to find long legs and all the terrific nakedness that goes with them. The question is, do you?

What makes a great sexy women’s legs site, besides an over-abundance of hot women with aforementioned limbs? It takes porn producers with a shared passion! The great thing about being the top review site on the Net is that we’ve seen the inside of just about every site out there that’s worthwhile. We know how much content is in your average porn site, and we apply our knowledge to every niche – and this means we know legs!

One of our top picks for leg sites has to be Leg Sex. It focuses on the full length of the leg niche – including bare legs, stockings and legs in nylons! Sure, there are plenty of naked babes to be seen, and access to other non-leg specific content besides, but it’s one of the top sites for gams on the Net. Take a look at this leg sex and stockings gallery and you’ll see what I mean. Sooooo hot!

Another great site that’s worth mentioning is Hot Legs and Feet. This site has a broader scope than Leg Sex, but as you can tell from reading the review, it will fill any shoe your leg fetish would like. If that’s still not enough, try searching for the term “leg� on our search page. After sorting through all the “col-leg-e� sites, you will be able to see a few other options that are worth a look.

Hopefully, these suggestions will help you find your stride when it comes to searching for sexy legs on the Net!

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