Yup, now I have officially seen it all.

So, Samsung believes that there aren’t enough methods and now it’s time for a phone capable of tracking a woman’s fertile periods. The idea is to keep the user updated on her “baby” and “no baby” times of the month when she places a call. They’ll do this by measuring distance to the eardrum (using either ultrasonic or laser sensors) combined with infrared to get a temperature reading. This corresponds to a woman’s basal body temperature cycle, which in turn maps to her menstrual cycle.
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In Japan, the concept was intended to boost birth rates by keeping couples in the know on exactly when they might have success and correspondingly, when they should be getting it on. But I imagine the intent might be just the opposite with some of you more promiscuous types.

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Well, now I have officially seen it all. Apparently somebody got SO tired of getting their leg humped that they went and created this beloved contraption to keep Sparky from soiling yet another pair of jeans with doggy spunk.

I don’t know whether to be beside myself with hilarity or to barf my chicken wings from lunch on my shoes. Can you imagine cleaning this thing? I mean, call me nuts…but dog spunk isn’t something I want to be wiping down with my dishes sponge.

I suppose it’s only right to give them a sexual outlet, God knows that cutting a dog’s nuts off and just expecting him to forget about sex is just ridiculous, but damn man…I don’t know if I should go out and toss down some $$ for indulging my dog’s fantasies. Do you think they’re thinking naughty thoughts and saying “Ya baby…take that…you know you like it…take my red lipstick dog cock” etc…while doing this?

Do you think we’ll see doggy day cares in the near future with playgrounds that look like this?

What a world…

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Sony has just gone public with something I’ve been waiting on for a couple years. There have been rumors and leaks about TFT (thin film transistor) for flexible displays combined with OED, (organic electroluminescent display), but this is the first I’ve seen of it headed for the public market.

Imagine a color screen with LCD quality that you can bend, twist, roll up like paper, even drop and it never breaks? It could be worn as a t-shirt or wrapped around telephone poles for ads. How long will it be before boys have this tucked into their history notebooks so they can watch last night’s episode of whatever or even some good skin flicks while it looks like they’re reading?

The future just looks more and more distracting and cool as hell.

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Every once in a while, I get chills down my spine when I see yet another invasion of our already fragile liberties with a satellite-tracked black box that somebody’s trying to pass off as innocent. “It’s for keeping your car from getting stolen, it’s for making sure your kids don’t go where they’re not to, nobody would ever use it for _________.”

A company called GoPass has come out with a new device called the AVL-900. It definitely ups the ante by not only allowing the installer to track the vehicle’s every turn via GPS / GPRS, but it also has an integrated microphone to let whoever’s curious listen in. This portable tracking system packs a SiRF Star III GPS receiver, supports quad-band GSM communications, and can report positions on a timed interval or send an alert to your cellphone if the vehicle is moved while you’re away.

As if seeing a moving dot wasn’t close enough to being in the backseat, you can simply text the device or ring it up to turn the microphone on and listen in on what’s going on inside. The AVL-900 will even let you monitor the movements from your smartphone (if you’re in Europe, Asia or with the Government in the US). Thankfully, this box isn’t commercially available yet, but it will be within 3 months.

If that doesn’t creep you out…what does?

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In one of the most uncomfortable conversations of my life, a friend of mine named Paul told me that he’d rather fuck his “Fleshlight” than a real, wet, warm, sweet, succulent vagina attached to a real woman. I realize that it’s unfortunate that pussies come attached to women, but I’d accepted it as a necessary evil in life. I figured that Paul’s confession must’ve come from the effects of his 4th Jager shot combined with his 4th or 5th Johnny Blue on the rocks and that he must be nuts. Since I had absolutely no idea what a fleshlight was and was absolutely intrigued by anything, that any man, even in his absurdly inebriated state would prefer over a real woman…I just had to know more.

After a little time at Fleshlight.com, I had to order one and see whether “pocket pussies”, “pinch hitters” or in their vernacular, male sex toys had really come this far. Two days later the UPS guy rang my doorbell with a smile and a discrete brown package from “Interactive Life Forms”. He probably thought it was some cool AI thing as he usually delivers nothing to my door except gadgets, computer stuff, toys, guns, etc. If only he’d known how fast I was going to tear that package open, lube it up and stick my dick in it. (How many times do you get to type that in your life?)

About twenty sweaty minutes later, I lay back on my perfectly clean bed (no muss, no fuss) and in complete agreement with my friend Paul, swore off women forever. Now I can save my money, play more, travel more, even work more and fuck without cuddling, chick flicks and those embarassing “sorry about the VD” or “another trip to the abortion clinic” headaches.

Ok, ok…so I can’t really swear women off completely. There are exceptions to the altogether too realistic rule, but this thing really will save me a lot of unsatisfied nights and some carpal tunnel. Check it out -

The outside, when it’s closed, looks like an industrial flashlight (hence “Fleshlight”). Cute eh? It’s heavy duty plastic and the end screws on tight so that you could leave this on your kitchen counter or bedside and nobody would ever ask what it is.
When you order, you start with the options of what you want it to look like.

Then you decide which one of the options you want for what’s on the inside (what you feel)

They even have a fleshlight for guys who are worried about shooting too soon and want to build up some stamina with “practice”. You gotta see “Legends Gym”

I went with the basic “Lady” with the “Wonder Wave” insides and gents, I gotta tell you…wow. This thing not only is a hell of a lot of fun to play with, the last few times I was up to bat with the real thing, I’ve been doing a lot more playing with her than her with me.

Get yourself a fleshlight and enjoy it. But remember, no matter how drunk you get, don’t tell your buddies about it. It’s a good thing Paul doesn’t know about this blog of mine, otherwise everybody would be call me “pocket pussy” too.

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This robot has human-like eyes, a sense of touch, recognizes human faces and voices and can even handle coffee beans. How cool is that?

Learn more here

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I’d be really upset if this company tanks, considering that I have two Vonage lines here in Central America with US numbers. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to toss them in my bag and plug them in around the world in hotels, offices or anywhere else with a broadband connection and have the same Vegas number ring there like it would in the US. It’s equally great to pick up the Vonage phone and call from the Philippines, Australia or Italy like I’m calling from Vegas for unlimited long distance to the US, Canada and pennies for LD anywhere else in the world. The voice quality is almost perfect and it’s only $30 /month per line.

Check this out -

In a series of events sure to stir things up at a company that many analysts have already written of as dead, Vonage CEO Michael Snyder has resigned on the same day that the pioneering VoIP provider announced a series of cost-cutting maneuvers, including operations consolidation, a reduction in marketing, and layoffs. Formerly president of ADT, Snyder led the company since February of last year, when he replaced founder and current Chairman of the Board Jeffrey Citron in that role — the same man who will once again hold the CEO title while replacements are scouted. The shakeup seems to have buoyed investors confidence somewhat following the courtroom setbacks in that Verizon patent suit, with Vonage shares up as much as 13 cents in premarket trading; however, it’s a rather hollow victory when you consider that the ~$3.00 stock went for as much as $17.88 this time last year. So while it’s good to see Vonage making some proactive moves in the face of what can only be considered a deathwatch, there’s only so much the company can do to affect its own fate, and at this point we could only be a ruling or two away from the end.

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Popular Science does what they do best in their latest “How it Works” by tearing apart the Nintendo Wii and its controller to show you the guts and explain how they work.

The piece includes some nifty animated images, a gallery of a Wii torn-down, and a quick explainer on the physics of the Wii remote’s accelerometer technology.

How it Works

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Inventor Sonnet Ehlers claims his invention, “Rapex” is the solution to rape. How does it work? Essentially, it’s a female condom with a locking bear trap type device inside. It’s actually a pubic hair away from being released now.

Hear that? That’s the sound of terrifying justice. Feel that? Well, no means no, you monosyllabic bastard.

P.S. If only this woman had one of these, she wouldn’t have endured this horrible experience. Ya, I know the whole thing seems crazy, but so does what she went through at the hands of that animal. I hope they find him and turn 19 hours into 19 years of non-stop torture and rape for him to enjoy the receiving end of.

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My razor always seems to run out of juice just when I need to run somewhere. With Sanyo’s “world’s fastest recharging shaver,” which gives you a week of shaving in only nine minutes (or one minute if you’re just going for that single shave), you’ll also be able to avoid being accused of hogging the bathroom socket when your wife needs to do whatever she does in the bathroom every morning. – Now it is possible to charge fully in just nine minutes!

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